The Emotionally Healthy Church: A Strategy for Discipleship that Actually Changes Lives, P. Scazzero and W.Bird 

“In emotionally healthy churches, people live and lead out of brokenness and vulnerability. They understand that leadership in the kingdom of God is from the bottom up, not a grasping, controlling, or lording over others. It is leading out of failure and pain, questions and struggles—a serving that lets go” (p.114).

In the last study we saw that our past affects our present. Looking honestly at our families in order to break the power of the past drives us to a sense of brokenness. Living in brokenness and vulnerability means that in all my relationships, I carry with me the profound awareness and humility that I am not perfect—that I fall short, and not just by a little.

A Theology of Weakness:

After Adam and Eve fall in the garden, God lovingly pursues them and makes a way for them to come back to him (Gen 5:8) and promises that He will overcome the serpent (Gen 3:15). However, as a result of the fall there is now a curse of “thorns and thistles” (Gen 3:18) meaning that all of life from then on will be painful, difficult and frustrating. The curse affects our relationships (3:16) and work (3:17-19). Relationships are marked by power struggles, manipulation, put-downs, defensiveness and withdrawal. We all struggle with loneliness in relationships and a sense that no matter the success, it’s not enough. Restlessness and incompleteness are the hallmark of our working lives (p. 116).

Have you ever wondered what your sense of loneliness and restlessness in life means?  Continue Reading…

The Emotionally Healthy Church: A Strategy for Discipleship that Actually Changes Lives, P. Scazzero and W.Bird

“In emotionally healthy churches, people understand how their past affects their ability to love Christ and others. They’ve realized from Scripture and life that an intricate, complex relationship exists between the kind of person they are today and their past…. The family we grew up in is the primary and most powerful system that will shape and influence who we are” (p.90). The author writes of a man who is “utterly oblivious to the ways the maladaptive patterns of his past are preventing him from living a free life in Christ today” (p.91). This man sought help from a spiritually mature brother who helped him see how his love/hate relationship and feelings of rejection from his father left him desperate for acceptance and love.

Could needing but not receiving your parents’ acceptance lead to poor relational choices as a adult?  How so?

We are new creations in Christ as 2 Cor.5:17 tells us, and Christ does transform many areas of our lives especially in our early Christian days. And yet no matter whether your family was good and relatively ‘normal’ or was not, we have all descended from the family tree of Adam and Eve.  After disobeying God, they were bent on shielding and defending themselves from God and each other. Their pattern runs deep in our families as well and can be seen in such habits as—controlling, fixing, fear, withdrawing, ignoring, denying, pacifying, or loneliness, anxiety, frustration, resentment, blaming, depression and more (p.92).

What did Jesus transform in your life as a new Christian? Continue Reading…

The Emotionally Healthy Church: A Strategy for Discipleship that Actually Changes Lives,
P. Scazzero and W.Bird

Psalm 51:6, “Behold you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. ”

“In emotionally healthy churches, people take a deep, hard look inside their hearts, asking, “What is going on that Jesus Christ is trying to change?”’ (p.71).  They understand that their lives are similar to icebergs “with a majority of who we are lying deep beneath the surface”. They ask God to help them to see their hearts and be transformed from the ways that prevent them from being like Jesus Christ.

You probably know of a minister or layperson who in their attempt to work hard for the Lord, left many important aspects of his/her life abandoned. The pastor of a large church was an impressive speaker and community leader, yet aloof interpersonally and indignant when his children fell prey to drugs, alcohol and teen pregnancy. How did he justify giving so much of his time and energy to things that left his family vulnerable and insecure? Did he not see the inconsistencies in his life? Did he allow others to become close enough so that they could challenge him on the illusion he had created? Are we as believers convinced that while truth may hurt for a while it is far better than white-washed falsehoods?

How hard is it for you to speak the truth in love to someone if it involves an area of inconsistency in his/her spiritual life? Is it as hard for you to hear the truth about yourself? Continue Reading…